just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
