it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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