haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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