I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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