Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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