Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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