Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm at about main and main street
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
