What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
