so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
