Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
so much tequila, so little girl.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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