sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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