You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
