hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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