Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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