Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
