It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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