It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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