y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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