So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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