Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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