how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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