I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
