He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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