I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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