Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
