That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
