Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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