once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
