We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
