So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
