my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
