i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
