How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
