I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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