Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
