I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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