Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
