We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
