i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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