dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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