You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize