I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
