I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
