Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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