I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
