Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
