Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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