She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize