Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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