he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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