I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
