Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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