i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drake has all the answers
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
