After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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