i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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