I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
drinking out of a sandbucket again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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