My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
