happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This house was built for laser tag.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
